It’s been a while since I’ve given an update, things have been going pretty well. Work has gotten better after a team meeting where we expressed our concerns, our hours changed for the better, and overall the vibe is less shitty. I was continuing to search for someone who doesn’t suck on Hinge, but was left disappointed. I was briefly talking to a guy who liked the same music as I do, but we were on opposite sides of the political fence and after he called me an idiot, we agreed to go our separate ways. I then asked out a guy I’ve had my eye on for a while. I’ve always thought he seemed like a great person and I’ve known him indirectly since my middle school mall goth stint. I messaged him on facebook just letting him know like I was interested and wanted to go out. He thought it was pretty courageous of me to do and we went out that Friday for sushi. Sushi was good, the company was better and I won’t get into too many details but he holds my hand in the car and opens doors for me and I just like him a lot. We’ve been seeing each other when we can, it’s been really nice, I think it can go somewhere but the talking stage always scares me, everything is so uncertain and due to BPD brain, the constant fear of abandonment is something I have to deal with. Thanks trauma! But in all seriousness I’m staying as positive as I can and just trying to enjoy the time we’re together.

Life with BPD has been going well, I am currently in remission and haven’t shown any symptoms in months thanks to Auvelity. Therapy is going well, I’m seeing my old psychiatrist again and the ketamine therapy seems to be as helpful as it was last time. I’ve returned to my vegan ways and started losing weight again, trying to get back to my goal weight. I’ve been doing yoga, meditation and the peloton in the morning, but I miss hiking, I need to get back out there again. I think it’ll be easier when I move and my parents can watch Lilah. I also saved some hiking trails close to work that I can bang out on my lunch, but as usual I’m scared to go alone, I need to break out of it and just go like I used to.

So things are going well but I’m still a work in progress and that’s okay.